motivation is such a weird thing.
usually, for me, it's a concept that i barely have a grasp on.
my "motivation" usually comes from spur of the moment happenings, like hearing a song that makes me feel a certain way or seeing something.
when i feel "motivated," i find it hard to formulate what exactly i want to do into words or even thoughts!
it's something that needs to be dealt with at that exact moment or i will completely forget about it...
lately, my main source of motivation have been dreams and music... these two mean so much to me.
i usually channel whatever i get from them into my writing, and it tends to be an abstraction of that.
...or, in certain cases, i will use music for what i'm writing... those who have read should be well aware of that by now.
i think in general, music plays a large part of my creative process... i was never one to paint visuals, literally at least.
while i feel like i'm capable of giving my reader(s) a mental image, i feel like i can't communicate exactly what i want to them, and i've come to learn that having this "issue" is completely fine.
i don't believe it's a shortcoming on my end, though i can always improve my writing, but more of a thing to consider that every reader is different and will likely approach your work differently.
i think this is why people debate on meanings of paintings and whatnot in the first place, now that i consider it.
...but, back to the point.
my "motive" to do things, while erratic, is mainly to leave a mark on the world that i feel okay with.
nothing too big, i couldn't handle anything... this is why i refuse to use social media, actually... no, but, i mean creating something that means a lot to just myself.
it's okay to make things for yourself, i feel like i see a lot of people try to appeal to the masses too much and that ends up being a detriment at times.
when i create, i want people to see what i have poured out from the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart and weave their own understanding from it.
it doesn't need to relate to my work, or my state while writing it, it just needs to be something original to me.
it needs to be something i feel like only i could tell.
that is my "motive."
thank you for reading.